Can Hormones Destroy Your Marriage?

Can hormones kill your marriage? (and I don’t just mean the “lady” ones!)

WARNING This post is controversial

 

The Problem

Do you and your partner try to be modern, equal partners but somehow feel unsatisifed or even growing apart?

Is he helping out with cleaning, cooking and the kids? Are you taking care of the cars, doing yardwork and researching investment plans?

Are you equals but sometimes snipe at each other? Is your (ahem…) sex life less than great?

Well, men and women may be equal but we’re NOT the same, and bringing back (just a little bit) of gender-stereotype roles can both make the two of you happier and and turn things up between the sheets.

Some Truth

Seriously interesting research (like, medical-grade) has been showing that men and women really are different at a psycho-genetic level in some crucial ways, namely: * how you feel fulfilled * how you react to stress * how you “get back to normal” after being stressed.

You and me both know that when there’s a problem (in general) women prefer to talk about it and men jump to solve it or, if they can’t solve it, just wanna’ forget about it.

Be honest: doesn’t that sound familiar?

That doesn’t mean women can’t solve or don’t solve problems, and it doesn’t mean that men don’t talk or can’t talk, just that in general each gender tends towards one way of being and flat-out “feels better” when they’re there.

Now I was raised by a strong single mother and my sisters are no-joke ass-kickers when it comes to getting stuff done. I love women and I love strong women.

But that doesn’t mean that’s the happiest place for them to be.

For example (and just hear me out) it seems that at a hormonal level nuturing and care-taking really does help most women feel better, while problem-solving and handling emergencies really does help most men feel better.

In fact, physiologic studies have shown that women are better at endurance challenges while men excel at explosive power. That’s really just a generalized way of saying that at a biological level women are better at the day-to-day stuff that’s never-ending while men are better at the “one-offs”, including problems and emergencies.

And I’ve seen this multiple times in my own life: Kristina (my wife) is better at (and even tends to enjoy) all the aspects of making sure our son is safe and sound, but when he falls off the playset or otherwise seems really sick she kinda’ freaks out and I play Cool Hand Luke to check him out and get to the doctor or hospital when we have to.

Look, when women act more like men (as happens more and more in the workplace today) and men act more like women (as happens more and more in the home today) it just, well, kind of sets both of them off-balance.

When our inner polarities get shifted we feel unfulfilled and frankly less attracted to each other.

The Solution

Here’s how you fix it.

Women, when you’re home with your man you’ve got to really step into your feminine and dance with your man by trading off nurturing him for having him help you.

Men, when you’re home with your women you’ve got to really step into your masculine: be a rock for your lady (as well as your kids if you have them) as well as her hero by fixing that leak, cleaning the roof and trapping & disposing of any critters in the home (like spiders, mice, etc.)

I know, this can sound a little regressive and maybe even silly but the simple truth is that it’s true.

The point is to respect your differences by embracing your differences so that you can feel the differences between the two of you and be attracted to each other’s strengths.

So if one or both of you are feeling kind of chronically stressed, frustrated, unfulfilled and/or less attracted to each other then step back and see if your relationship could stand a little injection of masculine/feminine distinction.

That’s it for today. :)

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Until next time, remember:

Life is short, live in love!

Guy Ardito MS, CMC